this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
