so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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