I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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