I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
