How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
