just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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