My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
