It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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