Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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