5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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