oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
