And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
