i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
