I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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