Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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