the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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