i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
