I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
When did angry sex become our thing?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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