She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
