i was born a porn star she said
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
