I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Bring me that man meat
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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