She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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