what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
This baby is an asshole
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
