i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just tell him i said nine months
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
