He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
