i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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