me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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