Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
