Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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