Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
