I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
