This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
