My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
