I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
