I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
