Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
