So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
