Christians are straight up FREAKS
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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