3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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