I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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