I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
