why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
