I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
