He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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