i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
