My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
