Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
