Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
