I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
im holly from the hills drunk
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
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