Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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